10 minute comedy (2nd revision)

(The lights slowly rise on KAREN, stage left, dressed in boxer shorts that are embroidered with the name BRANDON all over them, and a silk screened T-shirt with Brandon’s picture on it.)

(In her room there are posters covering the wall over her bed and a vanity with a framed picture of (you guessed it…) BRANDON.)

(Lights also rise at center stage, over JEN who is sitting Indian-style on the ground with a book and a cell phone.)

KAREN
I knew I shouldn’t have left her alone with him. I thought she would have at least upheld her part of the bargain. Guess she doesn’t really care what happens to me.

JEN
Some best friend. If I didn’t have to work, I’d-

KAREN
Thanks. At least you’re supporting me now.

JEN
Has he called to see if you’re alright?

KAREN
(She walks over to the vanity, picks up his picture and kisses it then puts it back.)

No. I’ve been trying to call him all night. His mom said he’s out with a friend. So weird that he wouldn’t come over to check on me either. Brooke probably distracted and stole him away.

(She throws herself on the bed. Photos are strewn across it. She begins picking them up and looking at them.)

JEN
So you didn’t ask around to see what happened to them?

KAREN
There was no one to ask. I don’t think anyone there would have known who I was talking about. It was all old people, families and creepy bald guys in the tightest trunks imaginable.

JEN
Gross!

KAREN
Yeah. I don’t even want to think about it.

(JEN takes a sip of her diet coke.)

What’s funny is that, it’s never even been a competition between the two of us. She didn’t stand a chance. I had it all worked out.

(KAREN rips off a chunk of the picture she’s holding.)

JEN
You must be missing something. Just go back to the beginning and tell it again. This time though, I need every little detail.

KAREN
You know it all seemed like a great idea this morning on the bus. We were laughing just thinking about it as we rode to school. We had concocted the most elaborate plan.

(She picks up all the pictures and tosses them in the garbage can next to her bed.)

It was set up so perfect. We were soaking up the sun in our bikinis. We took a walk around the pool area to scope out potential guys, to let them know we were there. I was actually trying really hard to find someone that Brooke could hook up with, so she’d be fine when Brandon and I got together.

JEN
Did Brooke agree that you’d be the one hooking up with Brandon?

KAREN
Well I just assumed, because I said that one of us would hang around the snack shack so that she could get his attention and come rescue the other one that would swim out into the pool and have fake cramps. She volunteered to swim because she’s a better actress. I said that it would take a good swimmer, like me, to pretend to cramp and still be able to be safe.

JEN
Sounds like some very important decisions were left out.

KAREN
Excuse me honey, my plans are meticulous. You think I would leave something like that to chance? No. We decided to flip a coin before we left the changing room, heads meant swim, and tails snack shack.

JEN
How did you-

KAREN
-I’m getting to that. We played rock, paper, scissors to decide who would call it. The loser had to flip it. Anyway, so there we were on our stroll around the patio. We saw Brandon sitting atop that lifeguard tower all buff and bronze. We pretended not to notice him until he waved and smiled. I couldn’t help but melt.

(JEN gets up off the ground, closes her book, and sits Indian style.)

Brooke and I split up. She went over to the snack shack and I swam out to the middle of the pool. I started pretending to have a cramp, like we’d planned. Then I really started to get one. I kept going under, breathing in huge gasps of water. I’m a great swimmer, but couldn’t make it to the side.

JEN
Oh my god! Did you-

KAREN
-Almost. When I thought my life would flash before my eyes, I felt myself being lifted up and carried out of the water. His hand went under my chin. Suddenly I felt the softest lips touch mine. He was giving me mouth to mouth. I’d have been in heaven, if I wasn’t so scared of dying right then and there.

JEN
Wow! Wait. So it worked then? I thought you said-

KAREN
-Hold on. You’ll get it. He asked me if I felt alright, told me to take a few minutes before getting up. Then he got up and walked away.

JEN
He just left you there?


KAREN
Yeah. I opened my eyes, but felt so sick I barfed. People started clapping as my hero walked through the crowd. Then he stopped and sat down with this family and I threw up again.

JEN
It made you that sick, huh?

KAREN
Well, it turns out that it wasn’t Brandon that saved me after all. It was a big fat hairy old man.

JEN
Shut up. Eew!

KAREN
That’s it, the end.

JEN
So then Brandon never came over there and attended to you? What is he getting paid to do?

KAREN
Nope. I don’t know where he or Brooke disappeared to. I ended up driving myself home.

JEN
Didn’t she ride with you?

KAREN
Yeah, but- Someone’s on the other line.

(She looks down at her phone and grunts.)

Dirty little– Hold on Jen. It’s her.

JEN
No. I’m coming over.

(JEN hangs up. KAREN presses a button and moves it back to her ear.)

KAREN
Hey Brooke, I was just thinking about you.


BROOKE
(Lights rise at stage right on BROOKE’s room. Its décor looks identical to KAREN’s. She enters in similar attire although varied from KAREN’s somehow, with her phone in one hand and a toothbrush in the other.)

Like Oh my God! What happened to you?

(She swallows.)

Ugh, Icky. I mean, you just left me at the park.

KAREN
I left you? I almost drowned for real and you were nowhere to be found. You didn’t hold up your part of the deal Brooke. So I was pissed.

BROOKE
What do you mean, not kept my part?

(JEN is escorted to KAREN’s bedroom by ERIC. KAREN lets her in, girls wave him off. He closes the door, but stands with his ear up to it. The girls turn on speaker phone.)

Karen, are you listening?

KAREN
Yes, sorry.

BROOKE
I sacrificed for you today. I supported you when you won the coin toss. I kept the promise we made.

KAREN
You betrayed me. You went after him, instead of letting me have what’s mine.

BROOKE
I did go after him, but not like that. Whatever. When you started swimming out, I went into the shack, then after a few seconds I went to his tower, but he wasn’t there. So I looked around. He was over talking to Jacob, Stephen, and Michael. I told him you were drowning.

KAREN
Then why didn’t my sweet Brandon come for me?

BROOKE
He turned around to look, but saw his co-worker already saving you. He said, “Courtney’s taking care of it Brooke. He wasn’t even scheduled to work today, was just here with his family.”

KAREN
Likely story… So what happened to you after that?

BROOKE
I followed Brandon and his friends, trying to coerce them back over to where you were. Jacob was being a prick and started teasing me. They all joined in. Brandon made them quit, sent them away and finally came back with me. Only when we got back, you were gone.

KAREN
And he conveniently was getting off and could give you a ride, right?

BROOKE
Well, no. I went out looking for you, but your car was gone. I went back in and tried calling my parents, but no one ever answered.

KAREN
Why didn’t you call me?

BROOKE
On one hand, I didn’t know why you’d left me. On the other, I knew you didn’t want to come back and pick me up.

KAREN/JEN
(Whispering to each other)
She thinks I left her.
Well you did. That’s funny.
She deserved it.

BROOKE
Anyway, you should have seen him. He was so sweet to me. He stayed with me the whole time while I waited. On the way home, he had some errands to run. We got to talking. I mean, he didn’t say much. I never thought I could speak to him like that. He just listened, made me feel so important, you know? Then he practically asked me to the Homecoming dance.

JEN
Wow, didn’t see that coming.

KAREN
Brandon asked you to homecoming?

(ERIC bursts through the door, laughing. The girls make the motion for him to shhh.)

ERIC
Brandon Clayton? Bran-

BROOKE
-Am I on speaker?

ERIC
-don Clayton. Yep rookie you are and you’ve been asked to the dance by a gay guy!

GIRLS
What? He’s not gay. Nah. Not Brandon

ERIC
Most certainly he is ladies. Can’t believe you didn’t notice from the first moment you laid eyes on him. You broads are dumb.

KAREN
(Screams)
Get out! MOM!!!

(ERIC leaves quickly, laughing.)

JEN
Gay guys are usually so easy to spot. At least you two have an excuse. I don’t even like him.

KAREN
What? You don’t like him or you don’t like him like him?

JEN
I don’t really like him either. I just listen to you two pine over him, cause I’m your friend. That’s what friends are for.

BROOKE
Gay? But how? He asked me to the dance.

KAREN
No he didn’t. What exactly did he say?

BROOKE
Well, I mean he didn’t use those words exactly, but he did say that he’s thinking about taking someone to the dance.

JEN
That could mean anyone.

KAREN
Yeah. So like was he just stating it or do you think he was hinting to you?

BROOKE
I don’t know. He hardly said anything all night, but it was so romantic, like out of a movie or something-

(ERIC returns with BRANDON in tow.)

ERIC
Ladies, you’ll never guess who dropped by.

KAREN
Brandon!

BROOKE
Brandon?

BRANDON
Hello Jen. Karen. I just came by to check up on you Karen. Are we on speaker?

BROOKE
Is he really there?

BRANDON
Yeah, weird. Hello again Brooke. So are you alright, Karen? I’ve noticed something about you all, that’s been going on for a long time now. There’s just something that you all should know about me.

JEN
Trust me they know.

BRANDON
They do?

KAREN/BROOKE
Tell us it’s not true!

(ERIC Chuckles)

BRANDON
I guess this is as good as any place to say it.

(The girls cringe.)

I, I’m-